ID: Drawing of a duck billed platypus underwater, they’re wearing a rainbow coloured t shirt and a pink bum-bag, and saying: “Ally is not something you can self-identify as, it’s a title that you earn. Let your actions speak for themselves!”
Credit: Sophie Labelle
Entering an alliance with someone requires their consent. You can’t just declare you’re allies with France, you have to go talk to a French diplomat first. If you don’t, then you’re free to help France, but France won’t protect you from invaders. If you declare that you’re allied with France without asking them, they might go tell the international community that you’re a liar. That would be a reasonable thing for France to do.
Fortunately, being an ally to queer people is much easier than being an ally of France. Drag is sure you can manage it if you present a strong enough ambassadorial case.
Okay, except lgbt people are not a state and don’t have any diplomats. But even nation states have detractors who don’t agree with the decisions made by the current head of state.
I think people are mad at this post because they don’t like that someone else should appoint themselves the arbiter of someone else’s morality or righteousness.
But there’s no “doing the right thing” people club. No one can tell anyone they aren’t an ally if that person is doing what they can against bigotry and discrimination.
Tbh, I just worry that someone who is judging people by arbitrary purity criteria is going to end up friendless or miss out on friends.
That said, don’t accept shitty friends. If someone isn’t living up to your code, then it’s acceptable to discount them as your friend, but I think it’s unacceptable to say that they’re a bigot or they’re discriminatory (unless they are).
Drag thinks you can call yourself an ally if you think your actions earned it. But if a queer person tells you you’re not and gives a reason, then it’s time to self-crit and really think carefully about why they said that. It means that they didn’t feel like you were helping them. You don’t get to say “nuh uh, I’m doing this for your own good”, that’s not a consensual relationship. Drag has seen that before. Cishet people saying they get to call themselves an ally even if every queer person they know hates them. For example, take J K Rowling. She thinks she’s an ally. She thinks she’s done more to help the queer community than almost anyone. This post is about people like her.