#2 is way too coherent

Folks, let me tell you about Liu Bei. They say he’s a hero, a man of the people. But I’ve seen better, much better. He’s got no plan, absolutely no plan. We’re going to outsmart him, outfight him—easily. It’s going to be so easy. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it.

And then there’s Sun Jian. Sun Jian, what a loser. Total disaster. They call him the Tiger of Jiangdong? More like a kitten, folks, a little kitten lost in the jungle. We’re the real tigers here. We’re going to beat them so bad, they won’t know what hit them. Believe me, we’ve got the best, the very best strategies. Sun Jian, he doesn’t stand a chance.

We’re building a massive, a truly massive army. The biggest and the strongest. Liu Bei? His troops are nothing compared to ours. We’re going to show them, show them all. And the world will see, oh, they will see the might of our forces.

We’re winning, we keep winning, and we’ll continue to win. And Liu Bei and Sun Jian will just keep losing. That’s what they do—they lose. We’re going to be so victorious, it’s going to be tremendous. Watch us, just watch.

We need more ancient Chinese history memes