i will talk to my doctor about this of course but just wanted to collect my thoughts and seek out some other experiences before my next appointment. Sorry for such a long post, I guess the TLDR is I’m not sure if I lack the ability to focus enough to have ADHD.
Since I got the results i have been reading and listening to a lot of stuff about adhd. One thing I am pretty sure of is, if I do have ADHD it is the “inattentive” type, not the “hyperactive” type. Even so I am still quite conflicted about whether or not I actually have it at all. I’ll read one article and think “that’s TOTALLY me, I definitely have ADHD”. For example, I have really struggled with these things since middle school at least (i am 40 so trying to think back before high school is a bit fuzzy):
- Severe motivation deficit/procrastination, particularly for tedious tasks and long-term projects
- poor long term planning/project management (even gives me some anxiety just thinking about)
- poor long term time perception (like I’ll intend to think about and purchase Christmas gifts, but then it’s too late)
- Not great attention to detail, and I feel like I can sometimes jump to conclusions
- Some trouble finishing “last 5%”
- poor sleep hygiene. i actually fall asleep and stay asleep fine but it’s hard for me to put myself to bed at a good time and wake up in the morning. mornings have been hell my entire life.
But then I go read something else and think “hm that does not sound like me at all”. For example I am reading the book How to ADHD, and in it she says:
According to Hallowell, if you, an attention-challenged person, abandon all the distractions of modernity, go live on a farm, and finally find peace, you don’t have ADHD. If, instead, you show up to the farm and get so bored you decide to build a carnival—congratulations, you are one of us.
Like… I would absolutely not have the energy or motivation to build anything like a carnival. I would of course occupy myself with other things, I guess reading or playing guitar or listening to music, but isn’t that basically normal? I’m just not sure how to interpret this. Is this more applicable to “hyperactive” people, maybe not so much for “inattentive” people?
I’m just not sure what to make of all this yet. My whole life i have felt extremely lazy and low energy, but once i get over that initial (major) motivation problem i feel like i can focus fine and get stuff done. Is that what “hyper focus” is? Or does that more likely mean I don’t actually have ADHD?
Thanks for reading and any feedback is welcome.
Everything in your bulleted list sounds like ADHD to me. The fact that you wrote out a post of your thoughts which included a bulleted list sounds like ADHD to me.
I’m not a professional of course. I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child, so I’ve lived with this for a long time. The quote in your post could have applied to me as a hyperactive child on some days but does not apply to me now; not just from maturing and aging, but also a lifetime of developing coping skills and self-restraint.
But regardless, everyone is different. I wouldn’t put too much in stock with one quote.
But also, I have no idea what a creyos ADHD assessment is either. If it’s just some free online test I wouldn’t necessarily put too much in stock with its results either…
But yeah, it sounds like ADHD to me
it was just one example I could remember offhand, but yeah that makes sense.
it’s a paid service my psychiatrist uses. long series of cognitive tasks, no idea how accurate it is though.
If it’s a paid service your psychiatrist uses and your doctor trusts the results, then I would too.
Why do you doubt the results if you’re trying to get help? Isn’t that the point of reaching out to a doctor in the first place?
“trust but verify”. i have no reason to specifically distrust my doctor, but i also know there are bad doctors out there, and psychiatry seems to be a particularly fuzzy science.
well yes i want help, but i want the right help. No assessment is going to be 100% accurate. mental healthcare is not cheap and takes a long time to troubleshoot. medication has side effects. If i don’t actually have ADHD, every monthly session and hundreds of dollars spent on it is less i’m spending on whatever the actual issue is.
edit:
coincidentally found this video tonight. Russell Barkley says there are no ADHD diagnostic tests. Assessments can be helpful with research and studies of large groups, but they are not helpful in a clinical setting for individuals.
Well if you do try medication, it’s either going to work and improve your life, or not and you can stop taking it.